From: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver.xxxx.edu)
To: jericho@attrition.org
Date: 03 Feb 2009 14:20:39 -0500
Subject: John the Toilet


Hi Jay,

I have a great article from the AP that appeared in our local newspaper the Valley News 
on Sunday February 1, 2009.  I could snail-mail you the original as I cannot seem to locate 
the actual article online, but I've enclosed a typed version word-for-word.

JOHN THE TOILET LAID TO REST

CENTERVILLE, UTAH(AP) --- John, a porcelain commode gunned down in an accidental shooting at 
a fast food restaurant's bathroom, has died.  His age was not immediately known.  The toilet 
was shattered by a bullet Jan. 12 when a man's gun fell from its holster as he was pulling up 
his pants.  Police do not plan to file criminal charges in connection with the incident.  
Christian Martinez, manager of the Carl's Jr. where John was gunned down, held a
memorial service Friday at the restaurant.  He gave away bottles of John's favorite toilet cleaner, 
Kaboom Bowl Blaster, to the eatery's first 50 patrons.  Police blamed John's death on the gun and 
style of holster the man was using.  "He was survived by the men's urinal and wash sink," 
said Martinez.


Kathryn Beaver
Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.EDU




From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 19:33:38 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet (fwd)


i have free long distance, let's find out

On Tue, 3 Feb 2009, security curmudgeon wrote:

": "
": " Not sure what to make of this..
": "
": " ---------- Forwarded message ----------
": " Return-Path: (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)




From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 19:55:33 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet (fwd)


she was looking for another "jay"... jay leno.  i shit you not.

10 minute phone call, very cool person, and yes, she even made jokes about
her last name without any provocation... ;)

apparently, her dad invented some medical surgery device called "beaver
blades"

http://www.bd.com/ophthalmology/products/cataract/




From: Jared 'Jay' Leno (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
Cc: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 22:42:57 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet


Hi Kathryn,

: I have a great article from the AP that appeared in our local newspaper
: the Valley News on Sunday February 1, 2009.  I could snail-mail you the
: original as I cannot seem to locate the actual article online, but I've
: enclosed a typed version word-for-word.

Thank you for the submission. I am currently unable to take in new
material, as I am involved in extensive research into chin reduction
surgery. Once done, I have to fluff my writers as I have no natural
talent for comedy and survive solely on their generosity. Thanks again,

Jared "Jay" Leno

p.s. Stop watching my show, you seem too intelligent. Check out the
Daily Show with John Stewart instead.




From: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
To: Jared 'Jay' Leno (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: 03 Feb 2009 17:45:54 -0500
Subject: Re: John the Toilet

--- You wrote:
I am involved in extensive research into chin reduction
surgery. Once done, I have to fluff my writers as I have no natural
talent for comedy and survive solely on their generosity.
--- end of quote ---


Phunny.

I had no idea that you run a 'fluffing' operation.  My my, the things one stumbles upon.

~kathryn

p.s. I watch the Daily Show, daily.




From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 22:52:17 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet


: --- You wrote:
: I am involved in extensive research into chin reduction
: surgery. Once done, I have to fluff my writers as I have no natural
: talent for comedy and survive solely on their generosity.
: --- end of quote ---
:
: Phunny.

We try, and mostly fail.

: I had no idea that you run a 'fluffing' operation.  My my, the things one stumbles upon.

So profitable. Not sure if I am impressed, scared or aroused that you know
what fluffing is.

: p.s. I watch the Daily Show, daily.

Good woman!




From: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
To: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: 03 Feb 2009 17:56:25 -0500
Subject: Re: John the Toilet

--- You wrote:
Not sure if I am impressed, scared or aroused that you know
what fluffing is.
--- end of quote ---

Pick one.




From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 22:57:47 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet


: --- You wrote:
: Not sure if I am impressed, scared or aroused that you know
: what fluffing is.
: --- end of quote ---
:
: Pick one.

"D", all of the above



From: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
To: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
Date: 03 Feb 2009 18:00:15 -0500
Subject: Re: John the Toilet

--- You wrote:
"D", all of the above
--- end of quote ---

D, eh?

D id you happen to know that I am the Founding Member of 'DENSA'?  Never am able to have a 
gathering, as all our members are incredibly, well, you know, dense.




From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
Bcc: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 23:10:14 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet


: D id you happen to know that I am the Founding Member of 'DENSA'?
: Never am able to have a gathering, as all our members are incredibly,
: well, you know, dense.

That's pretty swell. Not sure if I should throw out juvenile acronyms or
real ones that mistakenly suggest i'm in the rival organization.




From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: Jared 'Jay' Leno (jericho@attrition.org)
Cc: Kathryn L. Beaver (Kathryn.L.Beaver@xxxx.edu)
Date: Wed, 4 Feb 2009 01:59:34 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: John the Toilet


On Tue, 3 Feb 2009, Jared 'Jay' Leno wrote:

": "
": " Hi Kathryn,
": "
": " : I have a great article from the AP that appeared in our local newspaper
": " : the Valley News on Sunday February 1, 2009.  I could snail-mail you the
": " : original as I cannot seem to locate the actual article online, but I've
": " : enclosed a typed version word-for-word.
": "
": " Thank you for the submission. I am currently unable to take in new
": " material, as I am involved in extensive research into chin reduction
": " surgery. Once done, I have to fluff my writers as I have no natural
": " talent for comedy and survive solely on their generosity. Thanks again,
": "
": " Jared "Jay" Leno
": "
": " p.s. Stop watching my show, you seem too intelligent. Check out the
": " Daily Show with John Stewart instead.

I take a nap, I wake up, this is what I get in my inbox.

FLUFFER JOKES.

Well, at least she came to the right place...

^^ which could be taken as innuendo as well




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