When the cats are away, the mice will play

Thu Aug 01 22:00:00 EST 2007


No, attrition hasn’t been defaced.  Not in the traditional sense anyways.

“Hold down the fort”, they said.  As the junior staffer here, I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with a lot of crap over the past several months.  “Script enhancement request” emails seem endless, as does Lyger’s famous “Got 5 minutes to…”.  Yes, I always have five minutes to… but I’d rather spend it watching porn, which, and this may come as a surprise to many, is in short supply here at attrition.  I expected a significant repository of it prior to “volunteering” here (not dissimilar to how socio-economic factors encouraged Lyger's mom to “volunteer” to a life of crime).  Instead, there’s a significant repository of feline porn, which I’ll delve into shortly.

Point being: They are off having fun while I'm here writing this rant. Of course, I'm not upset about it. Unlike Lyger who bitches and moans about being Jericho's man-bitch, I prefer to see the bright-side of sub-ideal situations.

While the senior members are off gallivanting in Las Vegas, no doubt enjoying themselves at all the edu-tainment the wonderful Sin City has to offer, I’ve taken it upon myself to bring about some much needed change here at attrition.

For one, the black on red just wasn’t working for me. 

“1'|\/| 4 LeE7 h4><0r 4nD 50 |\/|Y \/\/e8517E h4Z 4 8L4ck 84Ck9R0|_|Nd 4ND ReD L1nkZ.” 

The black was simply uninviting, and the red text said “We are bad people!!”  No more.  Welcome to the new attrition – d2d’s attrition.  Here we’re comfortable, welcoming, and jovial.  No more intimidating colors that make you think every hit is being read, dig –x’d, whois’d, and noted by nepen (even though it still is).  The message of the day now reads : “Welcome to the pink palace, have a cookie”.  I also took the liberty of changing the root password, thereby preventing the ‘cats’ (Lyger/Jericho) from doing anything about the new look.

In addition this weekend, if you mail staff at attrition, you won’t end up on postal!  Rather, you’ll receive a warm reply that makes you feel like the person you deserve to be treated as.  Postal was cruel, and not in-line with the new look -- I'm delivering a new attitude. No more career ending, embarassing, and otherwise infuriating email stunts. At least until Jericho and Lyger get back, boot from cdrom, reset the root password, and userdel -r my account. They'll, of course, have to uninstall the countless rootkits I've placed, and somehow disable the time bomb that makes public Lyger's inner-most desires, but I've no need to worry about that now. They are busy watching Alfonso shake his junk at the excalibur.

For those of you who've always wanted a peek at the innards of attrition, I have a couple special treats for you. First, a glimpse into what Lyger runs on the server. Keep in mind that the results of this 'ps' command are by no means unusual. Standard daily crap here at attrition:

...OK. Moving on...

Nobody gets to see the following, and they made me sign an NDA that stated specifically: "You will not disclose or attempt to disclose any Confidential Information and / or Intellectual Property owned by Jericho, including the contents of his home directory...".

As a result of the NDA, here is a screenshot of WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE an ls in Jericho’s home directory:

You’ll note that he has a gigabyte of Lyger pictures, which is rivaled only by his cat pictures. Jericho and Lyger both have a hard-on for felines. There's nothing wrong with having a pet, of course, but calling your cats your "kids" is disturbing. Guys: you don't raise cats, they simply use you. They don't even like you, rather they tolerate you because you feed them, scratch them, clean their shitbox, and are a source of warmth. In fact, when you are away, they replace you.

I submit the following webcam shot of Taki as exhibit A:

Apparently Taki is having quite the orgy while Lyger is out at Defcon, which for the record, is more action than Lyger has seen his entire life – but again I digress. Notice the donkey. Taki didn't order that -- "Cuddles" belongs to Lyger. Taki simply removed its gagball and let it out of Lyger's bedroom. And before you criticize Lyger for having a donkey named "Cuddles", keep in mind that it has improved Taki's quality of life dramatically...

Just as I'm doing with attrition. It's a new era (likely a short one, granted), of lively colors, happy people, and good ole' fashion wholesome goodness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some filth to rm out of errata, a shell to link to /dev/kmem (yes...login Lyger, I f'ing dare you!), and some porn to put in ~/jericho.

Enjoy Defcon, fuckers. Get shitfaced for me, and when you bang that hooker, have him call you DEE TOO DEE.

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