The Thirteenth Floor: Basically this is an
"Outer Limits" or some other show on the Sci-Fi Channel where the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred. The film
starts strong presenting an entrancing plot, then about halfway through it just dies and it turns into some goofy love story.
It is yet another of those metaphysical virtual-reality thrillers, that is in reality virtually less than thrilling. The
setting of "The Thirteenth Floor" is Los Angeles in 1937 where our story begins with Hammond Fuller (Armin Mueller-Stahl)
leaving after a tryst with his mistress, down to the hotel's club where he leaves a letter for someone and goes home to his
wife. As he lies in bed, he is suddenly transported to Los Angeles 1999. The 1937 world was a computer simulation. Fuller is
murdered and his business partner Douglas Hall (Craig Bierko) is suspected by the police as committing the murder to prevent
Fuller from shutting down the operation and his previously unknown daughter (Gretchen Mol) from inheriting the company. This
was a great storyline until the movie looses focus with the ill-placed love story. The lead characters were cast with virtual
unknowns and conversely the supporting roles are filled with experienced actors.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D
Scary
Movie 2:: I can describe this movie in a few words: Insipid. Weak.
Listless. Unnecessary. This movie was a miserable attempt to parody "The
Exorcist", "Hollow Man", "What Lies Beneath", and "House on Haunted Hill".
"Scary Movie 2" was only made because the first movie did so well and the
Wayans wanted to milk the cow dry. The first movie had entertainment
value, but it was also should have been a one time deal. Some things you
can't, or shouldn't try to do again. The first half hour of "Scary Movie
2" had some humor in it, but it just deteriorated as time went on. The
movie is filled with references and jokes about blow jobs, which just gets
stupid after a while. The same jokes keep getting recycled and drag on way
too long. This movie was a waste of time, as well as a waste of
money.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D
Jurassic
Park III: Talk about beating a dead horse, or in this case, a dead
dinosaur. JP3 is like the above disastrous waste of film.....just
cashing in on the past success and name value of previous endevors, but
offers nothing this time around. This one is even worse than JP2. The
plot is lame and preposterous. Basically these two parasailers disappear
near Isla Sorna, where dinosaurs were once bred. Next, a couple, Paul and
Amanda, who claim to be adventure tourist, approach Dr. Alan Grant and ask
him to be a "tour guide" over the island. The couple (William H. Macy and
Tea Leoni) turn out to be the parents of one of the young parasailers and
land their plane on the island. Long story short; they are unable to
leave the island via the means by which they came. Of course typical
incredulous stuff happens......they find unlikely survivors, a satellite
phone survives ingestion, digestion, and expulsion out of a dinosaur and
still works, the main characters always manage to escape imminent death.
The main characters all stay on a formal Mr/Mrs surname basis, even though
they are all ready to die on this island together, you'd think they'd be
on a first name basis by then. This film is poorly cast. William Macy
should be more careful in picking his projects, and Tea Leoni once again
provides empirical evidence that she can't act. Her character and
portrayal thereof was annoying and inept. I prayed through the film that
she would get eaten, but alas she didn't, of course in keeping with
Hollywood, the token Black guy of the film was the first to go. The only
thing that made me not want to get up and go was the fact that two other
women behind me were cheering for the dinosaurs, so I knew that I was not
alone in my misery.
Hopefully, by reading this, I can spare others the
same.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: E-
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale Values:
A = movie tickets and popcorn for 2 (about $40)
B = buy the DVD
when it comes out ($25)
C = rent it
D = wait for it to be on
cable/pay TV
E = wait for it to be on regular TV
Czarina